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Hear Me Out: A Difficult Serve

Sometimes, a challenging service of process is more about listening than searching.

Being an investigator is so much more than you see on TV. It isn’t so much a job as a way of life — and especially, a mindset.

Anything and everything can be a puzzle.

Success in this job is all about how you solve those puzzles.

My company handles quite a bit of service of process work. I’ve served some pretty dangerous people. I’ve also served some people who are extremely hard to find because they are literally living on the streets. I have even served the “impossible to serve.”

How? Diligence helps. Plain old-fashioned stubbornness, even. But sometimes, the task is really about listening closely, respecting every individual, and learning to relate to people from any background.

In one of my favorite cases, I was given a document to serve to a man who had no home address on paper. His ex-wife said that he would be totally uncooperative and would most likely run further into hiding if I tipped him off.

I stopped by a few of his previously-held addresses, where some family members still lived. Everyone I spoke with turned irritable or disengaged at the mention of his name. I finally found the home of a family member who did not completely despise him.

I was out of ideas and needed some help. I asked if the family member could please pass along my number and have the subject contact me. I had no idea how I was going to convince him to tell me where he was, and I knew I was risking him running. But with few choices left, why not take the chance?

The next day, the subject called. He wanted to know what I needed from him.

I explained that I had a civil document for him, and that he needed to receive the document in person to understand what his next steps were legally. Then I stopped talking, waited, and listened.

I listened as he vented for an hour about how much he hated his ex, and about what she had done to him. I listened to him rant about how he hated his family because they had sided with the ex.

Then he had his breakthrough.

His exact words were, “I am pissed because she didn’t love me like she made a vow to. Here is my address———, bring the document by please.”

I was floored. When I got there to serve him, he handed me a Starbuck’s gift card “for listening.” The same guy that I had just served papers to, who was “impossible” to serve, was now thanking me for hearing him out. It just took an hour of listening — giving him time to get his feelings out, exhaust himself, and come around to an epiphany of sorts.

I got to move this job into the “served” column because I took the time to see the subject as a fellow human being, worthy of respect.

I got to move this job into the “served” column because I took the time to see the subject as a fellow human being, worthy of respect. I could see from the reactions of his family that they’d stopped listening long ago and moved on. I could understand it: I didn’t have to spend a lifetime listening to him; all he needed from me was an hour of my time.

At the office, I often joke that if I wasn’t a PI, I could qualify as a therapist (and I could be charging rates like one). I’m sure you know what I mean: we PIs are sometimes the only person our clients (or witnesses, or even subjects to be served) have to talk to. It’s actually not that hard to just hear them out.

This job is about so much more than people realize. It’s about psychology: the innate human need to be understood. It’s about advocating for clients who are going through some of their hardest times of life. We all win when we give others grace and treat them with respect, even if at first glance, they don’t seem to deserve it.

Because really, everyone deserves baseline respect, or no one does. That’s the job.


About the author:

Lindsey Smith opened Prime Investigations and Legal Services in 2021 after obtaining her Master’s degree in criminal justice from Sam Houston State University. She’s a licensed private investigator and certified process server with a passion for criminal justice and psychology. Lindsey specializes in“difficult” serves and investigations.

Lindsey is a married mother of 4 children and 2 “bonus children”. In her (scant) spare time, she enjoys traveling with her family.