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Answering the Question: "What do you do?"

How to gently explain to people I meet that I don’t catch cheaters or dig through dumpsters

We’ve all been there : a networking mixer, a social engagement, or an interview with a potential client.  Once the introductions are swapped, the question generally arises: “So, what do you do?” As certain as anything, the response “I am a Private Investigator” will raise the eyebrows and interest of the interlocutor. You might hear that you don’t “appear” to be someone who sneaks around, tails cheaters, and digs through the trash for clues, etc.

It usually takes about five minutes for me to explain that I don’t catch cheaters or dig through dumpsters. I’m a Certified Fraud Examiner (“CFE”), I explain — someone who specializes in conducting financial fraud examinations and due diligence probes on behalf of a major law firm focusing on securities and antitrust litigation.  By this point, the questioner wears a deflated smile, and his interest is waning rapidly. You mean, you don’t pull people’s bank records, wear disguises to gain entry into buildings, or use devices to listen to people’s conversations?

Add another five minutes for me to explain the legal, ethical, and operational restrictions of accessing bank records and breaking into businesses.

After this, the person generally has the appearance of a child learning that Santa Claus is not real. The turning point of the conversation is usually when I describe in further detail the countless advantages in any industry of using a professional licensed investigator.

What We Actually Do

I have worked in the legal arena now for over a decade and have seen firsthand how many of my probes have advanced my clients’ cases.  In addition, the heightened pleading requirements of the federal judicial system have encouraged more attorneys to hire professional investigators to gather evidence that an attorney or a paralegal (both without the proper training) may not know how to obtain.

Attorneys aren’t the only professionals who turn to investigators for information.  Finance leaders in investment banking, venture capitalists, hedge fund managers and M&A outfits from all over the world have turned to hiring professional investigators — with the appropriate specialization — to find concrete facts concerning a prospective client, a competitor, or investors.

I say “appropriate” since I have also heard far too often over the years from organizations who were not pleased with the results found by the investigator they hired. After some vetting however, I learned that the investigative group they hired specialized in insurance fraud probes, not due diligence investigations. This is comparable to hiring a divorce lawyer to handle a bankruptcy proceeding. Lesson learned: be sure to fully debrief the investigator and determine whether the appropriate experience is there.

Both public and private companies now hire professional investigators to assist with obtaining non-biased and often non-public facts concerning a potential executive hire, supplier, or acquisition opportunity.  Again, having the right person with the appropriate experience in conducting in-depth due diligence investigations and who utilizes more than public record databases can be the difference or not of avoiding future public embarrassment and costly litigation.

As with any service provider, a professional investigator is only as good as the information they obtain.

It has always served me well to fully explain to new acquaintances the differences between Hollywood and reality, while opening the door to the many advantages of using a professional with the experience and access to information not commonly available via a Google search.

As a veteran “PI” or “Sleuth” or “Gumshoe” or any one of the many designations for my profession, I’ve had my share of “cloak and dagger” operations over the years, though my day-to-day casework rarely involves clandestine ops.  As technology evolves and information continues to be at the forefront to any business deal or legal strategy, professional investigators will be called upon for consultation.  So, the next time you are at a reception and someone asks, “What do you do?” tell them the real story. They may be momentarily disillusioned. But then, one day, they might just hire you.


About the Author:

Kevin M. Cosgrove, CFE is a licensed private investigator and Certified Fraud Examiner in New York.  He specializes in investor fraud and corporate due diligence.  He can be reached at kmcinvestigations@gmail.com

See also:

The Sound of Pursuit Podcast: Perceptions.