cropped from orig. photo by Alan Schoolar
A New York private investigator shares 5 marketing strategies he learned by “researching” dominatrix websites…all in the line of work, of course.
First, let me first say that I know next to nothing about the dominatrix world.
I’ve never been inside a dominatrix’s dungeon.
I have never even worn leather pants.
Until a few months ago, everything I knew about dominatrixes, I learned from Lady Heather — Gil Grissom‘s onetime romantic interest on CSI Las Vegas.
Frankly, I barely even knew this world existed, until I had occasion to spend countless hours on BDSM message boards and dominatrix websites, scouring more websites of escorts and “Mistresses” than I could ever imagine. It was all work related, of course.
I really don’t have any personal opinions about the Dom world. As far as I’m concerned, two consenting adults can do whatever they want, and it’s none of my business. I don’t get it, but I certainly don’t pretend to understand all things.
Needless to say, in my “research,” I learned a few things about marketing and realized there are some tricks of the trade that dominatrixes can teach us.
Because both are under-the-radar service industries that require a certain level of discretion, the way clients find us works in pretty much the same way: by way of very quiet referrals.
Most people will openly recommend a favorite restaurant or boutique to their friends; they may even write a review online for the local coffeehouse. But you don’t often hear someone raving about the professionalism of Mistress Genevieve’s or of that dogged PI who caught your husband screwing around with the next-door neighbor.
So what marketing strategies can we learn from a dominatrix?
Make friends with your competitors.
Those of us who work for ourselves often tend to think of a similar local business as an evil competitor. You know, the guy who’s planning to tear your heart out and steal your clients. That guy.
Not dominatrixes. They like to throw big parties and invite their VIP customers to mix it up with the dominatrix-competition. They make friends with other “Mistresses” and even introduce their own clients to the “enemy.”
Why, you may ask? It’s a chance for clients and others in “the business” to connect. Who knows? Maybe a client brings a curious friend along — a potential new customer. Maybe a fellow dominatrix passes along a client who’s looking for something a little bit different. It’s a win, win for everyone.
After all, you can’t punish all of the people all of the time. My “research” seems to suggest that there’s plenty of business to go around.
Making friends in the business is not one of the first things other investigators think to do. Instead, they plot how to poach clients from their competitors, or how to find out what rates they charge. If they could steal that information, they’d do so in a heartbeat.
I am here to tell you that you are barking up the wrong tree.
First, worrying about what everyone else is doing is an exercise in futility. Second, if you’ve been in this business long enough, you know that those people aren’t your competitors; they are possible sources, potential future business partners or sub-contractors if you ever need more bodies, or if you need to turn to somebody who has expertise in something you don’t.
You need to stop thinking of them as competitors. This business is not a zero-sum game.
Become a trusted source.
Some dominatrixes will take their show on the road. They travel to other cities and have “parties” with other dominatrixes, not only mixing with their colleagues, but meeting other potential clients in other cities. It’s yet another chance to network with like-minded people and see how others work. And who knows? They may pick up a client or two.
A network like this also has the added benefit of becoming a “go to” resource. When your “client” is travelling to Boston and needs a referral? You’ve got that relationship, you know how the local talent operates and can easily make a good referral.
Building a repertoire of sources takes time, effort and practice. If I need a court retriever in San Francisco, I call Baxter Research. If I need a local investigator in Portland, I will refer Eli Rosenblatt. If I need to talk to an expert in conducting interviews, I will call my friend Kevin Cosgrove. If I need an investigator in Germany, I will call Louis Wonderly at Paladin Associates.
I’ve worked with these people and developed relationships with them. I know how they operate and can recommend them without hesitation. While it doesn’t necessarily stuff the linings of my pockets, it makes me a valuable resource for them, and for others, when need be.
Know thy client, and help the client know you.
I listened to a podcast in which a dominatrix talked about how she interviews a first-time customer. Not only is she trying to figure out what the new client likes and dislikes, she also wants to get a sense of his medical history (in case things go too far). She’s looking to set boundaries, find out in advance what can and can’t be done, maybe agree on a safety word. (*note: “Ouch” is not a safety word.)
Frankly, it kind of caught me by surprise. I guess I was expecting the first encounter to include chains and whips, but it totally makes sense that words should come first.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned over the years, it’s that you need to manage client expectations. There is enough myth and lore about what private investigators do that it can be difficult at times to dislodge the misconceptions from some people’s minds.
Setting the tone early in the conversation about what to expect, what not to expect, and some general rules of engagement can go a long way in making a happy client. There is nothing worse than a client who has enormous, seemingly unachievable expectations.
Put your best foot forward.
Of the dozens of dominatrix websites that I looked at, for the most part, I found that they were professional, well laid out, and full of relevant information. You could make an “appointment’ online. You could chat with the dominatrix in real time. All of the relevant information about how they did their work was right there on the website.
Surprised?
I was too!
But it makes sense. There is obviously quite a bit of mystery and secrecy in the dominatrix world, which probably makes people hesitant. But some of those barriers can be easily knocked down when you display a sense of professionalism.
Too many investigators either don’t have a website, or they’ve thrown together a site that looks like it was launched when they were still handing out AOL discs at the post office. Speaking of that, are you still using that AOL, Gmail or Yahoo email address for your business? Go get yourself a Google Apps account and have a real email in about 10 minutes. Please?
Having a professional website with a professional email address can go a long way to breaking through a potential client’s concerns about hiring a private investigator.
Charge what you are worth.
Hiring a dominatrix is not cheap — we’re talking several hundred dollars an hour, minimum, for anyone who is not an amateur. How are they able to charge so much? Well, I’m not sure what constitutes a “professional” or even a “good,” dominatrix, but would you really want to hire a bad or unprofessional one?
If you were in the market for punishment, seriously, would you bargain shop?
In a specialized service industry like investigation (or domination), price point can be considered a mark of professionalism.
Private investigators are a dime a dozen —there are a million of them in the Yellow Pages. They’ve become a commodity going to the lowest price bidder, trading valuable time for a pittance.
Too many investigators don’t charge enough for what they do.
Part of charging what you’re worth (even if it’s well above the going rate) is that you have to believe that you are worth that much. If you don’t, you are doomed from the start.
But seriously, do you charge less than your local dominatrix?
There you have it: some lessons in market domination you can take from a dominatrix. I am sure I could learn a few more things about torture and submission, but I think I’d rather just leave that to the experts.
Brian Willingham is a New York private investigator, Certified Fraud Examiner, and founder of Diligentia Group.